Gayle E. Rhoads'
Counsel to Students & Teachers

45 Instructions for Life
Gayle Rhoads, October 1998

This file was discovered in a computer folder titled "If I Were Young." It is likely written for high-school students, but applies to the rest of us, too. Gayle taught a high-school senior level class that included advice on relationships and marriage which touched on many of these themes.

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorize your favorite poem.
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, "I love you", mean it.
5. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slow, but think quick.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?".
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Call your mom.
16. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22. Marry a man you love to talk to. As you get older, his conversational skills will be as important as any other.
23. Spend some time alone.
24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
26. Read more books and watch less TV.
27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
28. Trust in God but lock your car.
29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
31. Read between the lines.
32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
33. Be gentle with the earth.
34. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
36. Mind your own business.
37. Don't trust a man who doesn't close his eyes when you kiss him.
38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
41. Learn the rules then break some.
42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Gayle Rhoads' Notes on Education
The following files are excerpts from
GER's notes and correspondence regarding education.


At Yale University, this past fall semester

Two Sophomores, taking Organic Chemistry Did well on quizzes and mid-terms Confident going into finals week (Chem final on Monday)

Decided to go up to Harvard to see friends Had a great time

However, hangovers and over slept all day Sunday Not back to New Haven until Monday AM Missed the exam

Found Professor, Told him they had been to Cambridge for weekend Had planned to come back to study Had a flat, no spare, late getting back.

Professor agreed they could take the test Tuesday AM Elated and relieved!

Studied, went at time appointed. In separate rooms, - given test booklets

First question - Free radical formation - 5 points Simple - "Cool, this is going to be easy".

Turned the page - unprepared for what they saw. It said: #2. (95 points) Which tire?

"The integrity of the upright guides them, But the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them". Prov. 11:3

CAP GP.18, 1996

Gayle taught a class for high school seniors on human relationships. One of his well-known pieces of advice went like this: "When you enter a relationship, and especially when you are married, you can either be right, or you can remain in the relationship. It is up to you to decide what you want."

Subject: Lady Bug Stolen
Date: 9/11/1997
Received: 9/11/1997
From: Gayle & B.J. Rhoads,

I was at the Conf. Office all day, so had not much chance to associate with the little ones. When I did get back the ladies were all-a-flutter because a little boy "stole a lady bug and then ran away from school". He was cutting across the street through traffic, dodging in and out to avoid his teacher's grasp. She was in very hot (sweating profusely) pursuit on foot. He also evaded the VP...who was in her car. But when [J] appeared, the jig was up, and lady bug with boy attached was taken into custody. He is now with his Daddy. His mother, who is divorcing daddy, told him last night that she wanted no custody or anything else to do with him. Now I say that that's enough to make anybody "steal a lady bug". Case closed.

30 Oct 1997 letter to T: "...You mention in your 5th paragraph 'the many factors that have led to the proliferation of diagnosis in the last 20 years'. Along with the four factors you mentioned we ought to add, e.) The disastrous home situations from which many children emerge each day, f.) Drug related dysfunctionalities with which children are born. Item c.) that you quoted, 'less tolerant mainstream teachers' should in all fairness remind readers that these teachers are under tremendous pressure to produce first-class scholars with ever climbing test scores, from these previously described students; many who do not come from English speaking homes and others who live almost totally disordered lives, and are sent to meet their teachers without manners, discipline or breakfast!...Rest assured, if you can, that these teachers are appreciated..."

30 Oct 1997 to T: "...I am struck of late with the wisdom of God. I used feel it rather arbitrary on His part to give us 'three-score and ten years', but now stand in amaze at His insight. It is good that the ancients shall 'one by one be carried to thy side by those who in their turn will follow them'. One has a growing reluctance to accept all the new agendas. For instance, as I read the article you sent, I am struck with the description of 'Learning Disability'. I suspect I had Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, Dyscalculia, as well as Dyspraxia, if these definitions or descriptions can be depended upon. I most certainly had a severe case of Dyscalculia. I also now know that I had auditory discrimination problems (I can cite examples as proof), and I surely was afflicted with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (if Mother were still living she would testify to that). Incidentally, I now suffer from Dysnomia,- always have! I guess I should find some solace in the knowledge that I am a victim..."

Gayle Rhoads' Favorite Quotes on Education
Most of these gems were found in a computer file called "Education Quotes."

"You are young, and as the years go by, time will change, and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain therefore awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters." --Plato

Doug Herrmann said that Gayle kept this quote on a card in one of the cubby-holes of his desk, and read it often:

"Xxx rush xxx tie the knots of difficulty tighter xxx" -EGW (can't find)

"The hardest step to educational reform seems to be the part that costs nothing-vision." --D. Thornburg (1991)

"We have to challenge the notion that our math curriculum can continue to consist of eight years of 15th Century arithmetic, followed by one year of 17th Century algebra, followed by one year of 3rd Century Geometry." --L. Alexander, former US Secretary of Education

"Kids retain five percent of what they hear and ten percent of what they read, but eighty percent of what they do and ninety percent of what they teach." --R. Ballard, Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution

"Businesses have been building electronic highways while education has been creating an electronic dirt road. And sometimes on a dirt road it is easier to just get out and walk." --F. D'Ignazio (1993F)

"The bitterness of poor quality is remembered long after the sweetness of low price has faded from memory." --A. Gucci

Teachers Get Paid Too Much [found in Computer File dated April 3, 1998; appears to be a copy of a tongue-in-cheek email he received from a friend.]

I'm fed up with teachers and their hefty salary guides. What we need here is a little perspective. If I had it my way, I'd pay these teachers myself. I'd pay them baby-sitting wages. That's right. I'd give them $3.00 an hour. And, I'm only going to pay them for five hours, not coffee breaks. That would be $15.00 a day. Each parent should pay $15.00 a day for these teachers to baby-sit their children. Even if they have more than one child, it's cheaper than private daycare. Now how many children do they teach a day, maybe twenty-five, or thirty? That's $15.00 X 25 = $375.00 a day. But remember, they only work 180 days a year! I'm not going to pay them for all of those vacations. $375 X 180 = $67,500. (Just a minute, I think I added wrong). I know you teachers will say, "What about those who have ten years of experience and a masters degree?" Well, maybe (just to be fair) they could get the minimum wage, and instead of just baby-sitting, they could read the kids a story.We can round that off to about $5.00 an hour, times five hours, twenty-five children. $5.00 X 5 X 25 = $625.00. Round it down to $500 a day times 180 days. That's $112,500 per year.Wait a minute. Let's get a little perspective here. Baby-sitting wages are too good for those teachers. Did anyone see a salary guide around here?

The Lesson [Found in GER's effects]

"Then Jesus took his disciples up the mountain and gathered them around him; he taught them saying:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the meek,
Blessed are they that mourn,
Blessed are the merciful,
Blessed are they who thirst for justice,
Blessed are you when persecuted,
Blessed are you when you soffer,
Be glad and rejoice for your reward is great in heaven."

Then Simon Peter said: "Do we have to write this down?"

And Andrew said: "Are we supposed to know this?"

And James said: "Will we have a test on this?"

And Phillip said: "I don't have any paper."

And Bartholomew said: "Do we have to turn this in?"

And John said: "The other disciples didn't have to learn this."

And Matthew said: "Can I go to the boys' room?"

And Judas said: "What does this have to do with real life?"

Then one of the Pharisees who was present asked to see Jesus' lesson plan and inquired of Jesus: "Where is your anticipatory set and your class participation? How are you teaching to the objective and where is the transfer? What closure technique are you going to use?"

And Jesus wept.

Christmas 2004